Tom Swifties

A Tom Swifty is a quotation in which an
adverb relates both properly and punningly
to two parts of a reported statement.

"Use your own toothbrush!" Tom bristled.
"This wind is awful," blustered Tom.
"I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.
"I like modern painting," said Tom abstractly.
"This boat is leaking," said Tom balefully.
"Give me a haircut," Tom said barbarously.
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"I think I'll use a different font," said Tom boldly.
"Rowing hurts my hands," said Tom callously.
"I don't work here on a regular basis," said Tom casually.
"It's twelve noon," Tom chimed in.
"Don't add too much water," said Tom with great concentration.
"Is there a number between seven and nine?" asked Tom considerately.
"I find you guilty," said the judge with conviction.
"I'd like to be a Chinese labourer," said Tom coolly.
"I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.
"This salad dressing has too much vinegar," said Tom acidly.
"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.
"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced.
"I've struck oil!" said Tom crudely.
"I'm the butcher's assistant," said Tom cuttingly.
"I didn't do well in the test," Tom said degradedly.
"I have a BA in social work," said Tom with a degree of concern.
"Congratulations; you graduated," said Tom diplomatically.
"It's made the grass wet," said Tom after due consideration.
"Aha! You can't speak!" exclaimed Tom dumbfoundedly.
"Now I can do some painting," said Tom easily.
"I'm shocked," said Tom electrically.
"I just came in through the door," said Tom, entranced.
"This steamroller is amazing," said Tom flatteringly.
"I'm about to hit the golf ball," Tom forewarned.
"We have no oranges," Tom said fruitlessly.
"Would anyone like some Parmesan?" asked Tom gratingly.
"I've got sand in my dinner," said Tom grittily.
"The doctor removed my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly.
"I can't march any more!" the soldier called haltingly.
"I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly.
"I've gained thirty pounds," said Tom heavily.
"It's my maid's night off," said Tom helplessly.
"Pass the playing cards," said Tom ideally.
"I'm burning aromatic substances," said Tom, incensed.
"Your Honour, you're crazy!" said Tom judgmentally.
"No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas," said Tom laconically.
"I think I've broken my leg ", reported Tom lamely.
"I have lost all my sheet music," said Tom listlessly.
"Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game," said Tom lovingly.
"It's only average," said Tom meanly.
"I have to fix the car," said Tom mechanically.
"I told you not to ride that horse," Tom nagged.
"Don't develop my photographs," said Tom negatively.
"What's the value of a dollar bill?" asked Tom noteworthily.
"What's a wide-angle lens?" asked Tom obtusely.
"The door's ajar," said Tom openly.
"I'm waiting to see the doctor," said Tom patiently.
"I didn't look at all!" Tom peeped.
"I wish I had something to write with," Tom said pensively.
"Has my magazine arrived?" Tom asked periodically.
"3.14159265," Tom said piously.
"It has zero height and zero width." said Tom, stretching the point.
"My pencil is blunt," said Tom pointlessly.
"I'm just an ordinary soldier," Tom admitted privately.
"I teach at a university," Tom professed.
"This movie will be very popular," Tom projected.
"I have to sing a run of eighth notes," said Tom quaveringly.
"This is where I keep my arrows," said Tom quiveringly.
"A dog bit me," said Tom rabidly.
"What are these berries?" Tom rasped.
"It's the quotient of two integers," said Tom rationally.
"I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish.
"I have to check the score on this exam again," Tom remarked.
"Would you like to buy some oysters?" asked Tom selfishly.
"I just bought a woollen sweater," said Tom sheepishly.
"I can take photographs if I want to!" Tom snapped.
"I work at a bank," said Tom tellingly.
"I feel so empty," said Tom vacuously.

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